THIS IS THE REAL ME

When you think of a holistic health coach, what do you think of?

Someone who is ultra fit, obsessed with kale, and other vegetables you can hardly pronounce let alone imagine eating, like kohlrabi or romanesco? 

Someone who doesn't have issues with losing weight, let alone obsesses over that last cookie in the cupboard. To eat or not to eat? 

And you'd be right, cause that defines exactly who I am! Yep, on opposite day (I learned that joke from my brother! It's timeless).

Reality is I am not ultra fit or obsessed with kale, frankly kale is a tough one for me, I think its the texture. I love cookies, although mochas are my guilty pleasure hands down.

And I've struggled with my weight since as far back as I can remember.

BUT...I am incredibly passionate about pursuing a healthy life and encouraging others to do the same. I believe you can't wait till you have all of your ducks in a row before you start pursuing your passion. If we did, no one would start a thing!

And I truly believe if you have struggled with your weight, with your self-image, and with food, it is a journey.

There isn't one answer and then you'll have it all figured out. You'll have ups and downs, you'll take a few steps in the right direction, and take a few steps back.

My goal is to be open and honest with my journey in hopes to help you through yours. 

I don’t fit into the stereotypes. Yet I feel that for this very reason I have been called to this field.

You see I have struggled with my body for as long as I can remember. I began the journey as a young girl, seeing the models in the magazine and believing it to be the perfect beauty. The thing was, I could talk a good talk.

I put on an air that I was confident, that I valued 'true' beauty and didn't get caught up in the superficial world.

I tried convincing myself and everyone else that I truly believed these things.

And in a way I did, but that quiet voice continued telling me I wasn't enough, that I needed to lose weight to be pretty, and that voice gained more and more power as I grew up.

This thought pattern is where my issues with food grew from. I began trying every diet out there. A low-fat diet, calorie counting diet, atkins diet, grapefruit fasting diet, and the list goes on. I started the cycle of using food to feed my emotions.

Instead of using food to nourish my body, I used it to suppress and avoid the boredom, or loneliness, the feelings of inadequacy.

It doesn't take an expert psychologist to know that food does not help in dealing with these emotions, nor does it encourage personal growth. But I continued this pattern anyway. Sometimes logic just isn't relevant!

But then I met my husband, he loves me for me and all my issues have gone away! Ha wouldn't that be nice (I really enjoy sarcasm, can you tell?). I met my husband in my 20's. He is amazing. But no, all of my confidence and body-image issues did not disappear.

Although, we are led to believe by all the 'rom-coms' (I didn't know what that meant till fairly recently, now I feel really cool using it. For any of you in the dark, rom-com is short for romantic comedy!) that the guy of your dreams, your soul-mate, will complete you and bring you ultimate happiness. It just doesn't happen like that.

Someone asked my husband the other night how he liked being married. Now most guys like to joke about marriage, the whole ball-n-chain joke, I get it, its usually easier to go that route instead of trying to explain the complexities of marriage. But my husband took the challenge and put it beautifully.

He said marriage is incredibly complex and challenging yet the most rewarding thing he has ever done. 

So no, finding that man of your dreams is not going to complete you. There is so much more in this world that needs you, and so much more that you need in this world.

And if you think that your issues will go away once you find that one and only, well you are in for a rude awakening. I heard someone talk about marriage, saying its like constantly holding up a mirror showing you all of your faults.

Or as my brother would say, its like showing you what a douche bag you are (oh and yes, he said this during or wedding ceremony. Bet you haven't heard douche bag used in any other wedding ceremony!). Cause yes, we all have a little douche bag in us, some more than others, perhaps. 

How disappointing, right. I'm sure its not the first time you're hearing this reality. But, at the same time it is incredibly freeing! Cause guess what? This means that you are complete just as you are.

So stop trying to find things to complete you.

A relationship won't do it. Your career won't do it. Food won't do it. Exercising won't do it. Having the perfect body won't do it. You're already there, complete, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, you. 

 I heard this message many, many times before I started letting it sink in. And its still a truth that I find myself resisting from time to time. We are inundated with marketing messages fighting to have us believe the opposite. 

But when I truly believe that I am enough just as I am right now, once I start to live it, I stop abusing food. I stop trying to use it to fill any voids, to fulfill me. And I start using food as it is intended, to nourish my body. I start to truly enjoy food, real, whole foods. There is no calorie counting, no rules, just freedom. 

This is my journey. This is my struggle. This is my passion.

Its continual, and I am grateful for it. My hope is that my story will resonate with you, let you know you are not alone in this struggle, and give you hope to pursue your freedom. I don't know if I'll ever fit into the ultra healthy stereotype.

I believe there are more important things in life than having the best abs (blasphemy!), that eating a cookie won't kill me and that pursuing a healthy life can quickly turn toxic when mixed with obsession. 

I do believe there is a balance, and it looks different for everyone. That is part of the beauty. Healthy looks different for everyone. There is no one true answer to getting there. Let this knowledge encourage and inspire you.

Its your journey, keep moving forward. I know I am!